Ugh

Now, will you excuse me for being annoying again and let me rant for a while. Is it because we have a lot in common then it means we have to be good friends? Hypothetically speaking, if two people happen to work in the same company and live in the same area, does that automatically link the two individuals together and they should bond well? Is it wrong for me to think that this kind of relationship forced upon two individuals is fragile and, in a sense, superficial.

With 10+ years of analytical training, it is hard for me not to give definitions to relationships. Under the influence of my over-achieving parents, I am so goal-driven, so much so that I have forgotten how to go with my instincts and feelings. Subconsciously, every action and decision I make are more or less backed by some proofs and goals in mind. In high school, I was never genuinely friendly to my teachers because in my mind I had always treated them as a group of authorities with whom I do not want to develop intimacy. I give myself a goal for the semester. Say for instance, focus on work and stop partying. It would lead to rejecting all opposite sex or any pursuers, without giving much leeway for myself or my heart to feel. I build up barricades to fend off everyone who approaches me with sincerity. What a messed up mentality.

And, for those who happen to pursue the same major as I do, really I am thankful for the company and I could not have survived college without my friend's help; but it makes our friendship very very superficial. Had it not for the help or the grades, would we have been this close? Would they have been this nice? After all, it's part of networking? They are my colleagues, not friends. Now, is it because of that defected mentality I had that I cast doubt on these friendships? Is it just me?

I can only relax when I'm with people who are not from my major. School is full of shit (excuse my language).